Cosmo Taught Me: What I Need to Do to Snag a Hubby.
In an act of pure social grace and intellect, Cosmo has finally, finally started publishing tweets from men on their website.
This is a truly momentous occasion. Far too often, men are silenced. Their opinions aren’t respected! They aren’t allowed to say whatever they want! WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE FIRST AMENDMENT?
Cosmo will. That’s why they spend their days perusing Twitter’s hashtags to bring to light the opinion of The Men, which cannot be given enough appreciation.
And then, they will turn the tweets from these few brave men who share their humble opinions into an article and make sweeping generalizations about relationships. Fucking brilliant.
Cosmo used a series of tweets with the hashtag #WhoeverIMarry to write an article entitled, “Surprising Things Men Look For in a Wife.”
When #whoeverImarry starting trending on Twitter, we expected to read a lot of tweets from women sharing their laundry lists for a future husband. And we did.
It’s almost as if you can see Cosmo rolling their eyes at those women and, let’s be real, we all are, too, right?! We should totally, definitely hate women who just can’t be cool and be like one of the guys and, instead, perpetuate stereotypes that women only care about love and relationships. Blech! Cosmo would never, ever be one of those women.
But we also noticed a hell of a lot of dudes sharing their thoughts on what makes a woman wifey material. We rounded up the ones that jumped out at us—either because they were sweet, ridiculous, or just prime examples of male dumbassery—and put them below.
Thank God they’ve provided this list for us! It’s unfortunate that they don’t break down which ones are sweet, ridiculous or “male dumbassery,” though. Are we supposed to, like, think for ourselves? Sad. :-(
Whoever I marry…
“…gotta have some big boobs and can’t where panties. So if that ain’t you sorry. You’re not eligable.” —@JuiCyIsMyBOSS
FUCK PANTIES. If you wear them, you’re not ELIGABLE to be with JuiCyIsMeBOSS. Your loss, ladies.
Whoever I marry…
“…gotta be able to sit back watch ESPN, Good Times, Martin, Wayans Bros on a daily with me” —@PRESiDENTEel
Only if you watch “Real Housewives of Something or Other” with me, honey! ;)
JUST KIDDING. WHAT I WANT DOESN’T MATTER. FOOLED YOU.
Whoever I marry…
“…must have a college degree” —@JuztsayiN
This must be the one fill of male dumbassery, right? Ugh, so elitist of you, JuztsayiN. CHECK YO’SELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YO’SELF.
Whoever I marry…
“…better be a big freak. [k]now how spin around n keep the d*** still inside. —@HardBodyDavis
HardBodyDavis must read Cosmo for kewl sex tips!
Whoever I marry…
“…better not try put the plate in the sink with food still in it .. like how could u be so dutty? Just scrape it out” —@AshaunOConnor
Also, your SOLE PURPOSE on this Earth, women, is to make your man happy. If you put a plate in the sink with food still in it? Well…
