Cosmo Taught Me: Names for Genitals are Weird and Funny.
I dunno about you, but I kind of love the idea of having names for genitals. It’s immature, sure, and a bit silly, of course, but (at least to me) a little fun/funny.
In their Dec. 2010 issue, Cosmo gives a detailed list of names guys call their “wangs”:
- The General
- Bishop
- Chief of Staff
- Winston Churchill
- Bait (‘n’ Tackle)
- Twig (‘n’ Berries)
- Bat (‘n’ Balls)
- Peter
- (Jolly) Roger
- (Free) Willy
- Johnson
- Dick
- John Thomas
- Joystick
- Squirt gun
- Pogo Stick (possibly my favorite?)
- Twinkie
- Ding Dong
- Salami
- Hot dog
- Wiener
- Lizard
- Cock
- Hog
- Dolphin
- (Italian) Stallion
- (Trouser) Snake
- (One-eyed) Weasel
- Knob
- Wanker
- Pecker
- Package
- Junk
Personally, my boyfriend and I aren’t huge on names for our genitals, but I have been known to refer to my own vagina by a few names, including:
- Lady-bits
- Va-jay-jay
- Vadge
- Vajin
- Vajine
- Cuca
- Cooch
- Toto (as a little girl)
- Cooter
- Hoo-hah
- Vee-vee (which I use with surprising frequency?)
- Gyna (like the name of Mo Collins’ character in “The 40-Year-Old-Virgin”)
Unfortunately, I don’t have any names for my breasts.
While I’m completely against awful names (some are pretty offensive in that they reinforce the idea that vaginas are strictly for dicks to go into, that women are “lacking” because they don’t have a penis, or that vaginas are only for having babies, such as gash, cum dumpster, axe wound, dick mitten, baby chute, etc. — who comes up with these things?!) I am curious what names people use for their own vaginas (or penises or whatever!).
Some of my favorites:
- Womb With A View
- The Snack That Smiles Back
- Vaj-Mahal
- Cunt (always a good one)
- Wizard’s Sleeve
Y tu, followers?
