Cosmo Taught Me: Wait, What? Sometimes Guys Don’t Want Sex?
Cosmo’s been telling us since forever that guys always want to have sex. Their grandma could be on fire and they’d be like, “I think we’ve got some time to fuck before the firefighters arrive. You down?”
But in their 2011 article round-up, Cosmo directs us to their piece, “The Surprising Reasons He Turns You down for Sex.”
Color me as confused as whenever I try to solve a math problem. (Math is hard! Wahhh! I’m a girl!)
MEN DON’T WANT SEX ALL THE TIME? Why, Cosmo, why?!
Cosmo paints the scenario.
So, you threw yourself at your boyfriend and he turned you down. Ouch. Now, not only is your ego bruised, but you’re also wondering if there’s something wrong with you, him, or your relationship.
Yes! I totally go into freak-out mode when my boyfriend doesn’t want sex! I never pause and think, “My boyfriend is a human being like myself. Perhaps he is experiencing a wide range of emotions and might, for any given reason, not want to have sex with me. I should respect his wishes and feelings and maybe, instead, let him know that I’m there for him if he wants to talk and not make this into a huge deal.” That would be completely absurd.
[E]ven the most horndog dude is going to go through times when he just doesn’t want to have sex. We explain why it’s normal, and what you can do to get him thinking sexy again.
Excellent. I don’t want to simply respect his wishes when he says he doesn’t want to have sex. I want to know how to get him to stop being a sissy and fuck me already! What is he, GAY?
The thing is, when guys turn women down for sex, Cosmo says that women, like, cry and stuff. They get hysterical and hate themselves and need to be stuffed with chocolate in order to feel better. Here’s why:
[M]en are brought up with this idea that they’ll have to go to bat and strike out multiple times before making a hit. Women, on the other hand, are wired to believe that men are always ready to reach home base and never turn down a booty opportunity.
Women are… wired? Like robots? To believe that men always want sex? Oh my God. Cosmo teaches me so much about biology and shit! I had no idea we were literally wired to believe certain things! I thought most social behaviors we knew were taught to us from the environment around us — from our peers, our family, the media, the magazines we read. Shit, was I wrong. I’m so glad Cosmo teaches us about how our bodies and brains work.
But that’s beside the point. What matters more than anything though is: how can I get my boyfriend to stop being a pussy and instead get into mine?
A bold move certainly won’t help:
“You can’t just flash him or grab his crotch and expect him to be instantly hard,” says Kerner. “Guys often need to gradually transition into sex with mental coaxing and foreplay too.”
Welp, there goes my game plan. I personally love to work sexual assault into my bedroom repertoire whenever I can.
Writes Cosmo:
You’ve come onto him, he’s not feeling it, and now you’re tempted to pout or stick it to him with a zinger like, “What kind of man are you?”
Cosmo… have you been hiding in my bedroom again? How do you know this is exactly what happens between me and partner? I immediately want to tear him down as a person and make him want to die just because he doesn’t want to get intimate!
But, says the witty magazine, we should refrain from saying mean things like “NOBODY LOVES YOU OR WILL EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN!!!!!” unless we want to kill his ego. Meh. I’m not interested in killing his ego so much as getting his dick inside of me, of course, so instead we should just give him a kiss on the cheek, tell him it’s okay, and be supportive. Gaggggg. Even I’m feeling like a sissy reading that.
Alas, if you’re still in the mood, and you “think his no [to sex] had some leeway [and you could persuade him otherwise]” (writes Cosmo, I am not even making this shit up), read on:
[P]lant a sexy thought in his head, which could make his lust level do a 360. Kerner recommends saying something like, “Oh man, I just had this flashback of that night I was riding you in my five inch high heels and got so turned on.” It’s pretty tasty bait—but it’s also non-committal enough that if he’s still not up for it, you won’t feel totally burned…again.
It’s not disrespectful at all to try to manipulate your boyfriend into sleeping with you after he already said no. After all, no only means no when it’s YOU saying no! And can men ever really even say no anyway?
As always, try not to think of how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. I mean, if you had gently told your boyfriend you weren’t interested in having sex with him, it wouldn’t be insensitive at all of him to bring up that sexy time the two of you recently shared and continue to pester you to get on his dick because he felt your no had “some leeway”?
Right Cosmo?
